


Pieced Together (The Memory Remix)

by Beatrice_Otter



Category: Babylon 5
Genre: AU, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Bechdel Test Pass, Canon Lesbian Relationship, F/F, Fix-It, Future Fic, Lesbian Character, Lesbians survive!, Mind Manipulation, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psi Corps, Remix, Talia Lives, Telepathy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-23
Updated: 2016-07-23
Packaged: 2018-07-26 07:11:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7564957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beatrice_Otter/pseuds/Beatrice_Otter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are some things that Talia can't call to mind.  But she remembers all the truly important things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pieced Together (The Memory Remix)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ariestess](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ariestess/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Memories](https://archiveofourown.org/works/778312) by [A Magiluna Stormwriter (ariestess)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ariestess/pseuds/A%20Magiluna%20Stormwriter). 



> Betaed by shippen_stand, who did a fabulous job.

Talia's memories are not (exactly) Swiss cheese, despite the jokes and random references she sometimes can't help overhearing.

Everything is still _there_. Just … not always connected, or accessible. It's a very annoying feeling, to know you know something or someone, and only remember it when it's too late to matter. She wouldn't change anything, but it's annoying. 

Some things are always easy to remember: her life with Susan (married now a year and a half, together for two years before that), her current workload and routine, most of her professional history, her recovery time on Minbar.

Her distrust of Psi Corps. Even when she can't make all the pieces of her older memories fit together, she remembers that. The Psi Corps-authorized commercial teep on the station gives her a wide berth, and she's thankful for that. Even on the days when she can't quite remember why.

She's in the station's departure lounge, waiting for Susan, for the start of an actual vacation. One of Talia's clients owns a beach house on an uninhabited tropical island on Proxima III, and paid her with three weeks of time there. Earth Alliance corporations _are_ legally prohibited from dealing with her, but EA law hangs lightly on Proxima, these days. They broke away once, they can do it again, and after the starvation caused by the blockade during the war … it wouldn't take much to get them to leave. Trust in Earthdome and the Psi Corps haven't really even begun to recover. Quite a number of Proxima III people and corporations choose to use her services, paying her under the table in a variety of goods and services that are either untraceable or heavily laundered. Which made them perfect for other under-the-table uses, in turn.

Talia's first thought was to allow Lyta the use of the beach house; even a temporary secure site along the Underground Railroad was hugely valuable. And besides, Susan didn't often like to take vacations away from B5, given what usually awaited her on its return. But this time, Susan wanted to take the vacation time. They'd never gone away together like this, not for vacation, and Talia was looking forward to it.

When she feels a teep—Psi Corps trained, she can tell by the 'feel' of them—brushing against her shields to say hello, she freezes, and her heart begins to race. It is not someone who belongs here, on Babylon 5. It is not the Psi Corps flunky who replaced Talia after the war and to whom she has only spoken a handful of times. Talia turns, hands clammy and shields hard as steel, looking for the source, and sees the standard nondescript business suit with gloves and badge. With an effort, she drags her eyes to the face above it. South Asian features, middling-strong telepathy probably somewhere around P-5 or -6, something familiar about her. Talia probably knew her, once. Much of her childhood and adolescence is … difficult.

"Talia!" the other teep says, with a wide smile. "I hoped I'd be able to see you on my layover here, meet up for coffee or something, and here you are in the arrivals lounge!"

Talia stiffens, looking for a way out. The security guard checking IDs is watching this with wide eyes—her avoidance of the Corps is well known aboard the station—but even if this woman is only the commercial teep she appears to be, she would be well capable of taking a mundane out at this range. There is no help there. She reins in her thoughts; Psi Corps have only once tried to attack her since she came back from Minbar almost four years ago, and that was during the height of the war. Now that there is peace—now that the corruption in Psi Corps, and their enthusiastic part of Clark's reign of terror, is on full display—they probably have more immediate things to worry about than one rogue teep with the protection of the Minbari and the whole Interstellar Alliance. And if she's not a Trojan Horse, if this woman is what she seems, then Talia's own abilities will be more than sufficient to protect her. Ironheart's gift and Minbari training saw to that. She regulates her breathing in the pattern she learned on Minbar.

"I'm sorry, but I'm actually about ready to leave, myself," Talia said diplomatically. "Our flight boards in just a few minutes."

"Oh, that _is_ bad luck," the other woman says, and proceeds to chat away about what she's been up to for the last several years.

The banality is reassuring, and she cautiously dips an ear into the teep's mind. Nothing invasive, just a simple surface scan, subtle enough that she shouldn't even realize it's happening. Talia lets out the breath she hadn't realized she was holding when she finds everything just as it appears to be—friendly, a few blurred childhood memories floating up, relaxed. She eases out as softly as she came, as the teep asks after Talia's own current life

"I'm doing commercial work similar to what I did for the Corps," Talia says, not quite willing to be rude to someone who must have been a friend once.

The woman's eyes flick down to where a Psi Corps badge should be, and then to her ungloved hands. "Oh? I … didn't think that was possible."

"The Interstellar Alliance is just fine with non-Corps human teeps," Talia explains. Psi Corps tries to suppress that information, especially among its own members, but it's the truth. "And while no Earth Alliance corporation can hire me," at least not officially on the books, "there are plenty of other options on Babylon 5."

"Well," the Corps teep says, "I suppose, if you don't mind spending all your time in alien minds. Doesn't that feel … weird to you? Alien, for lack of a better word? I sure wouldn't want to. Take the Minbari—"

Talia's smile thins. "The Minbari helped me put my mind back together after what the Psi Corps did. Lyta Alexander saved me, but they gave me the tools to heal. I find Minbari minds … very comforting." They had never hurt her, or manipulated her, or 'adjusted' her thinking; instead, they had held up a mirror to her mind so that she could see more clearly what the Corps had done—all the things they had done since taking custody of her at age five, not just Control's damage—and decide what to do about it. Talia had chosen to rip out all the 'adjustments' that could be removed, and see who she was without them. It had been well worth the side effects and the memories that don't quite come when she calls them. Quite frankly, there are some things she doesn't want to remember. She had been so eager for the Corps to mould her in their image.

"O-of course," the teep says, faltering.

Talia still doesn't remember who she is (though she probably will, eventually), but at least now she's fairly certain the teep is nothing more than she appears: someone from Talia's past, who considers her a friend, and wants to catch up. That doesn't mean she's safe, of course, no Psi Corps member is ever truly safe for a blip to be around, but it does mean Talia can definitely handle her if she tries anything.

The woman sends a furtive scan around their area, looking for other Psi Corps members who might be in earshot. "Look, I know they were obviously right to suspect you, but even so, they went too far. I hope things are good for you now."

Talia bites back her first response, anger at the woman's blithe acceptance of the Corps' rightness when all Talia had ever wanted was to be a loyal child of the Corps until they forced her out. Her second response—admiration of the woman's courage in admitting even as much doubt in the Corps as she had, for if a Psi Cop ever happened to pick up on that, she would face problems—was not helpful either. If she'd had a week to explain … it probably wouldn't be enough, given the strength of Psi Corps indoctrination. "Things are very good for me," Talia says at last.

"I'm so glad," the woman says, and Talia can feel her relief. Her care for Talia is genuine.

Susan is approaching, Talia realizes, and she sends out a brief warning, shielding it from the visiting teep. They're still too far apart for a P-1 like Susan to send anything back, and anyway, she wouldn't risk doing something that might get picked up. With the Interstellar Alliance, Susan will have more options than her mother did, if she is found out, but she'd still have to leave Earthforce.

Talia introduces Susan to the woman, hoping the teep will supply her name, but she doesn't. There are a few moments of brief uncomfortable conversation, but soon enough their flight to Proxima III is called and Talia and Susan escape.

~ _You know, you could have just told her where to jump to_ ,~ Susan says telepathically as they nestle into their seats. She still looks tired, Talia notes, and hopes this vacation will give her the time to rest that she needs. They both love living and working on B5, but it _is_ stressful, although Susan hasn't shared with her what in particular is eating her, right now.

~ _Not worth it_ ,~ Talia says. ~ _What would it change? She is what she was raised to be.~_ And besides, by this point she's remembered who the woman was. Samreen Bishwas, a classmate and friend during adolescence. They'd spent what free time they had giggling over romantic interests and music and hobbies and practicing their telepathic homework together. That 'homework' is the sticking point; it was actually part of the loyalty indoctrination, though Talia hadn't figured that out at the time. Undoing the results of that indoctrination left the memories of its creation unconnected to the rest of her memories.

Perhaps, now that she's remembered, the association will stick. She hopes it does, in this case; she and Samreen had good times together, even if neither one had truly known what they were doing to one anothers' psyche. There's a certain nostalgia in those memories that Talia appreciates. Even knowing what she knows now, there were good times in her life before Babylon 5.

Susan scoffs, but doesn't respond; they've had this conversation before. Susan, thank God, has never had to learn just how hard it is to throw away everything you've been brought up to be and think, and choose a different path. Talia has.

~ _She was no threat,_ ~ Talia continues. ~ _Even if I were still a P5, knowing what I know now about all the ways Psi Corps members are trained to manipulate each other, she couldn't have done anything to me._ ~

~ _You shouldn't have to worry about that,_ ~ Susan growls.

Talia shrugs. ~ _Neither should Samreen. Even if she doesn't understand enough to be afraid_.~ Talia hadn't. Even after the Corps had done … whatever they had done to her, she herself hadn't understood the whole of it. Not until the Minbari mindhealers had been working with her through her childhood experiences, rooting out Psi Corps influence, and she had seen how horrified they were, did she really get it.

The Psi Corps used telepathic and psychological manipulation on its own people both subtle and brutally overt, and it used them frequently and overwhelmingly, teaching its children that this was not only normal, but right and good. And encouraging them to perform the same manipulations on one another in the name of solidarity against the mundane. Even once out of their clutches and knowing the organization to be evil, most of those manipulations had seemed … normal. Realizing otherwise had been like having the floor collapse out from underneath her.

"You know, this is supposed to be a vacation," Susan says. "A time to relax."

"Kind of ironic, _you_ telling _me_ that," Talia says.

Susan huffs. "I give the same dedication to vacation as I do to work, everything I have."

"How do you hang out on a beach with _dedication_?" Talia asks, amused.

"I've worked out a time-table for the most efficient schedule to give optimum time for swimming, sun-bathing, and one-on-one beach volleyball," Susan says, deadpan.

Talia giggles.

* * *

They arrive at the beach house mid-morning, local time, and it's just as fabulous as her client said it was. Talia and Susan frolic in the ocean until lunchtime, and then take a walk on the beach in the afternoon. The jumplag is pretty severe, but they stay up as late as they can to try and reset their body clocks to local time as quickly as possible.

Besides, Talia thinks as they get ready for bed, given how tired Susan is, she may sleep through the whole night. She needs it; her insomnia has returned, and Talia hates to see her wife waiting through what Susan calls the hour of the wolf.

They get into bed and curl up together, too tired for anything fun. The blanket is a gorgeous quilt, probably hand-made, given the slight irregularities in the stitching. It's a work of art Talia wishes she were more awake to appreciate, the way different pieces of fabric have been recombined into a beautiful design. She runs her hand over it, feeling the places where different pieces are joined.

Talia may always have pieces of her memory out of reach, still there but unaccessible. But she has all the pieces that truly matter, all the ones she wants, and has put them together in a pattern of her own design. ~ _I love you,_ ~ Talia says to Susan. ~ _I love you so much._ ~

Susan doesn't respond with words, but rather with something even more precious: she opens her mind and projects her emotions so that Talia can feel the depth of her love. It is genuine, untainted, the opposite of a Psi Corps manipulation. Talia spares a thought for Samreen, and her badge and her gloves. Susan takes Talia's hand, and the mind touch strengthens. Wrapped in that warm embrace, Talia falls asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Talia's personality has survived the Psi Corps-implanted personality's attempted takeover, but it left scars, and it wasn't the only thing Psi Corps did to her brain. No details are given.
> 
> I'm also on [dreamwidth](http://beatrice-otter.dreamwidth.org/) and [tumblr](http://beatrice-otter.tumblr.com/).


End file.
